The Space Between

 Happy Wednesday Everyone,

A quote to start your day...

"In between every action and reaction, there is a space.  Usually, the space is extremely small because we react so quickly, but take notice of that space and expand it.  Be aware in that space that you have a choice to make.  You can choose how to respond and choose wisely because the next step you take will either strengthen or damage your relationship[s]."  -Rebecca Eanes-

This quote was taken from a larger quote about parenting, but I felt that this portion of it is so important to all relationships, not just ones between a parent and child, so I wanted to share it.  When we react to the actions that take place around us - at home, in school, in the community, or even in our own minds - we are either creating strong bonds, positive connections, and shared positive experiences, or we are creating barriers to personal connection, contributing to negative stereotyping, or participating in bullying type behaviors.  

I often find that when people react to situations negatively, it is because they themselves are experiencing some kind of negative feeling.  Perhaps self-doubt, perhaps fear, perhaps discomfort with the unknown.  Negative reactions often are a defense mechanism we use to keep from getting hurt or feeling small.  But remember when you react negatively, you make others feel small.  If you don't want to feel it, why would it be okay to make a peer or family member feel it instead?  

Here are some examples I have seen happen at CBMS over the years which we could work to collectively respond to more positively...

• Someone drops their lunch tray in the middle of a crowded cafeteria.
• Someone calls out something off-topic in class.
• Someone misses an easy goal on the soccer pitch.
• Someone cuts into the lunch line.
• When a question is asked, a person says, "I can't believe you don't know that!  Are you stupid!"
• Someone questions your belief system.
• Someone judges you.

As the quote suggests, try to recognize that you have a space to choose.  Take time, expand the space and think about how to respond positively.  Keep in mind that you may be responding to something that is happening around you, (the kid dropping that lunch tray) or you may be responding to something being said or done to you (someone judging you).  Here are some ideas to get you started.  

• "I am not sure I know how to respond to that, I need some time to think about it."
• "I am feeling a bit defensive, can you give me some time to think about why before I respond?" 
• "I want to keep it positive here, but I am struggling to figure out how I feel.  I might need a few minutes..."
• "I am going to take some space because I don't want to respond inappropriately to what just happened."
• Just stay quiet and take private think time. 
• "Are you okay?"
• "How can I help?"
• "Keep trying, you've got this!"
• "Thanks for respecting me as a learner!"
• "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't say (or do) that again, it's not respectful to me (or others).  Thanks!"

Again, as the quote suggests, this "space" is generally very small because social interactions happen so quickly, and sometimes without much thought.  We really need to practice that pause, which I talked about in last Friday's blog post, examine that space, and remember that it allows us the time to make a positive choice to build people up or tear them down.  I hope that you will always choose to build bridges.  

"The space between what's wrong and right is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you..."

Have a great day everyone!

Be Well,

Mrs. Hempey